all my friends are insects
by a warrior queen
Summary: Birthdays are overrated, anyway. —Bro!Fic.


**dedication: **to Anonymouse and to Naruto  
**summary: **Birthdays are so overrated, anyway.  
**notes: **For Naruto's birthday.

**all my friends are insects**

"I really don't want to do anything for my birthday this year."

He dropped onto Sasuke's bed, hiding his face on his pillows—ew, it smelt like ash; Sasuke should quit smoking, like seriously—and sighed, loud and dragged out and over dramatically. He felt ugly and bloated—like his mother felt when her Time Of The Month came and she would text him to bring her two tubs of Neapolitan ice cream and a an old copy of Twilight from the library because she needed something to laugh about.

(Seriously, Naruto thought, his dad owed him big time for kicking the bucket so early in life and leaving him to deal with his crazy mother. Like, Naruto didn't even grieve anymore; he simply rolled his eyes skyward and glared, making sure his dad could hear all the threats he was muttering in his brain because wow, talk about selfish.)

Like, on a scale of one to ten, he broke the scale from how horrible and heavy and fat and ugly he felt.

Having your girlfriend move up north for an internship sucked ass.

"Get the fuck over yourself," Sasuke drawled, leaning back on his desk-chair, his feet propped at the edge of his desk and his attention on the TV series he was watching on Netflix. "It's been, like, two weeks already."

"I _hate you_!" Naruto muttered as he lifted his head up to glare at his stupid best friend. "Just because you're a heartless asshole that's totally okay with Sakura studying medicine abroad!"

"Well," Sasuke went on, taking a swig of his soda, "S'what she wants, ain't it?"

Naruto scoffed.

"I seriously don't want to do anything for my birthday, this year."

Sasuke finally looked away from the screen of his computer and spared him a glance, an eyebrow raised and his eyes holding a clear boredom to them. "I didn't even remember it was today."

"Yeah, okay," Naruto replied, sarcastically, rolling around the bed and staring up at the ceiling of Sasuke's one-bedroom apartment. "Yeah, you totally forgot—s'not like we haven't been friends since our moms conceived or anything like that."

Sasuke sighed, "Are you here for any longer, I might Skype with Sakura soon."

"Do you guys have cybersex?"

"That's it, get the fuck out." Sasuke stood up from his chair, fully set on throwing Naruto out the door and changing the lock—how the hell did the little shit even get a key?—and gain some peace and quiet in his life. "I'm done with your shit, you greasy fuckface."

Naruto rolled off the bed to avoid Sasuke's wrath, hopping over the articles of clothing strewn around the ground. He cackled when Sasuke just gave up, settling to throwing an empty can at him before settling back down onto his seat, glaring at him one last time before returning his attention to the screen of his computer.

Snickering, Naruto dropped back down onto the bed, taking a deep breath and trying to find something interesting to do. He looked around—Sasuke's apartment was a complete mess. Clothes thrown everywhere, crushed empty cans, wrappers, a box of pizza or two; he blamed it on the fact that Sakura was the one that normally made sure he cleaned around.

"You're a pig."

"Don't need to hear that from you of all people," Sasuke drawled.

There was another round of silence in which Naruto pondered what kind of food his mother was going to fix him up and if Hinata would call him or shoot him a text for a Skype date (he snickered as he turned his blue eyes to his stupid best friend) or something. But then the door was knocked open and Naruto watched his three other douche best friends pour in with their ugly faces and a box of—

"Donuts?!"

"How the fuck do you assholes even get inside my fucking apartment?"

Kiba dropped the pink box onto the coffee table after swiping at the mess Sasuke had over it, letting it all drop onto the floor. "Yeah, yeah, donuts; with _sparkles_."

"They're called _sprinkles_, idiot," Neji corrected, rolling his pale eyes and inspecting the recliner before dropping onto it.

"Who cares?! When do we eat 'em?" Suigetsu asked, rubbing his hands together and heading straight for the box.

"I hate all of you," Sasuke sneered, closing the browser and closing his computer.

Suigetsu opened the pink box and took out one of the dozens of donuts, half inspecting the pink and yellow and white sprinkles before moving in like Jaws and taking a huge bite. It was like an orgasm in his mouth, not going to lie; he sunk down to the ground criss-cross-apple-sauce, moaning and savoring each bite he took before it was gone.

Naruto wrinkled his nose and curled his lips. "You pig."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"Fat."

They sneered at each other for another two minutes before Naruto looked away, walking to the box and taking a donut for himself. "You guys better not have gotten these for me."

"You ain't special," Suigetsu baited.

"It's the dobe's birthday and he doesn't want to do anything for it," Sasuke drawled, lying on his bed, one of his elbows holding his upper weight and one of his legs bent at the knee. "He's having gay feelings because his lady friend isn't around."

"Bro, it's been two weeks," Kiba said, his eyes squinted.

"YEAH AS IF YOU CARE, YOUR LADY FRIEND IS STILL HERE."

"So's Neji's," Kiba said, pointing a finger at the quietest one of the five.

"And mine!"

"Shut up," Sasuke growled, glaring at Suigetsu because he still hated the fact that he was dating his kid sister.

Naruto huffed and crossed his arms, pouting because no one understood him and everything he was feeling—Hinata was his _soul mate_, like did he need to go on a monologue about all the reasons why she was the best and why he loved and missed her and things like that so that everyone would understand why he felt absolutely depressed and without the desire to get shitfaced?

"Alright, alright, here," Kiba said, standing up frm his seat and snapping the pink donut box open. He proceeded to stack up about five sprinkled donuts—one over the other—before moving away from it, sucking some of the glaze off of his fingers. "We need a candle. Hey, douche, get a candle."

"Why do I need to get a candle?" Sasuke asked, not even moving an inch from his position.

"Because this is your place!"

"Your point?"

Naruto watched, completely unimpressed, as Neji sighed like the drama queen he was and stood from the recliner, walking to the small kitchenette and going through Sasuke's drawers. He returned after a lot of bangs and snaps, a single blue candle with white swirlies on it. He stared at Kiba, as unimpressed as Naruto felt, and handed him the candle.

"Oh," Sasuke grunted, "That's from last year…"

"No one wants to know why your messy ass still has it," Kiba muttered as he lit it with his lighter, tilting over the top donut and letting some of the hot wax ooze onto it before settling the candle itself on top of the wax to keep it in place. He pulled back, a lecherous grin on his face as he turned around to face Naruto.

Naruto was still unimpressed.

"There ya go, nugget," Kiba said, "Happy fucking birthday."


End file.
